Thursday, April 1, 2010

Spring Break 2010 (Parts 5&6)

Part 5 of this trip was our rest day. after many spicy adventures, we needed a day of rest. that still is not to say that it is not worth writing about. we began that day by going to the bookstore. we rode all the way from our hotel and across town to get to this very nice borders. max got the book for english and i did not. ms. mcdonald is going to eat me alive. when we got back we went to the pool and i swam some more. i did alot of flips and stuff and played around like a seal. after while of that we went and ate at the restaurant at the hotel. we watched the office after dinner and then i jammed on garageband while sean max and mr.o'beirne watched Lost. after that we went and got pizza and then went back to the hotel where we retired for the night and planned our next attack on new orleans. the next day (AKA Part 6) we woke up and got mufallettas. mufalletas are a dope sandwich of italian descent. if has salami, turkey, cheese, olive oil, vinegar and a bunch of vegetables and peppers. it was heaven. the place we went to reminded me of some sort of grocery shop from the old country (aka Sicily). after tasting some homeland we went to get beignetes (again!!! i swear the powdery sugar on that shit is crack, no joke!!!) after munching on cholesterol cakes for the 80th time during this trip we went to the pool and once again i flopped around like a seal in the pool for like an hour and a half. after flopping, we decide to go and get some ice cream. me being the "stankin jew" i am, i only got a soda. while i was in there these two ghetto girls started talking shit about me. it made me feel hella self-conscious so i left. i then sat down outside on a bench and had another girl started talking shit about me to her family too. i am saying this because this information reveals a pattern that you will see later on. after ice cream, sean and max and i are walking back when they see a voodoo museum. i of course did not go in because i do not fuck with spirits like that. they did and they said that the guy who worked there was some freaky white voodoo master. he even knew they were from Virginia!!! they came out and started talking about going to another voodoo shop, and i, jokingly walked away. but when i turned around they were nowhere to be found! for some reason instead of calling them i thought to myself "whatever im gonna go to the record store" and i did. i went to a record store a couple of blocks away and checked out some cool vinyls they had there. it was really tight to see all of this old music that i could potentially sample that i would not be able to find anywhere else. i was living the life of a crate digger to the fullest! words cannot describe how hyped i was, especially when i found a roy ayers vinyl that had all of these songs that i had not even heard of before. (roy ayers is a jazz musician for those who do not know). after digging in the crates, i went back on a nice walk back to the hotel to meet max and sean. we hung out and then ate at the hotel once again. this time the service at the hotel was absolutely attrocious! we waited a really long time for everything and we promptly gave the waiter no tip whatsoever. after dinner, we tried to make it uptown but missed our train. instead we watched a jazz band that was playing on the street and we boogied down really hard with all of the people in the street. it was a real swell time. i found out that i do have skills at dancing and defy the "white people cannot dance" stereotype. it's really great that i can half-represent you all like that. after an intense round of bailaring (dancing) to great music we went back to the hotel to watch south park. it was a rather mediocre episode and there is no point in talking about it further. after this we went on bourbon street and encountered a strip club........Out of our group i was the only one allowed because i was 18 years old. me being the ditsy fool that i am decided to pay the 30 dollar entrance fee, and....behold.....i had entered my first strip club! (it really is not something to be proud of and you can be assured that i am not). remember earlier when i said to pay attention to those women??? well keep that in mind as i tell you this story. anyways, although i cannot describe this adventure in detail there are some things i can tell. the first thing i see when i walk into this cesspool of sin is a woman swinging around on a pole who had shorter hair than me......if i hadn't payed 30 dollars i would have left instantly! i sat down, closed my eyes, and prayed that she would be finished soon. it's hard to imagine that i had the nerve and balls to pray to god while being in that place. he must have been pissed. anyways, many strippers came to me and tried to hustle me for a dance and i told every single one that i unfortunately could not accept their proposition because i was broke from paying their BLASTED EXPENSIVE ENTRANCE FEE! but yea a lot of them talked to me too. it was pretty depressing. the whole place had a very pathetic atmosphere to it. everyone seemed to be desperate for things whether it be love, money, security, or flesh (ew) this place seemed to be a congregation of rather desperate people. also, during this time, once again, the strippers were laughing at me!!! i must look like joe pesci or danny devito or something 'cause they kept on treating me like i was some sort of pet. especially when i danced to Jay Z's "Can I Get A....". after feeling sorry for everyone in there and washing my hands like 30 times i left and met with sean and max to get beignets. after those fried, cholesterol-filled treats of goodness we went back to the hotel and i hopped in to the hot tub. i was in a very reflective mood in the hottub all by myself. to be honest, as funny as it was being in a strip club, i really hope i don't go back to one any time soon. i felt bad for those dancers who flaunt themselves about for lustful men who could really care less about any problem they may have. i saw this one stripper, who must have been new, who was not even dancing at one point and looked miserable. im glad and fortunate that i was blessed to not have to be soo desperate. strip clubs are more of a buzzkill than a cool place to go to. sorry for sounding like holden caulfield, i am being a buzzkill as well. this trip is still very rad.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Spring Break 2010 (Part 4)


Part 4 started with a voyage to get oysters. although we didnt get them, we went to ignatius's and got some great food. i got another po boy and so did sean. during the meal we discussed things like plans for the summer and what we were going to do after college. we also discussed how bad my table manners are. for starters, i eat wayyyy to fast. i also eat with my hands. after the lunch we rode the trolley back to the hotel and the ladies (aka max's mom and his sisters and his sister's friend) came through. max's cousin also came too. after talking and settling down for a while we went to the pool and i did alot of rad fucking cannonballs. i definately impressed some fine ass honeys with my diving and flipping skills. all was merry until i found some weird thing on my skin and flipped out. we then went back to the room and hung out before going back out. on the way to an oyster bar we saw Bruce Willis, who was filming a new movie. that was absolutely crazy. he actually is a lot smaller in real life than in the movies. he may be a huge pussy in real life. either way, i don't think i want to find out. we went to the oyster bar and feasted on oysters and i found out that oysters are best with ketchup! after that we met this tranny dude that we got a picture of. i think it will be my profile picture when it is available. we then ate the equivalent to a whole grocery store at this other really cool restaurant. it looked like one from the godfather which made it radder. after that we walked around town some more and then retired to our hotel for one final time. consult the picture below for a good idea of what the tranny looked like:



Sunday, March 28, 2010

Spring Break 2010 (Part 3)

Day 3 was one of rest compared to the past two, but still very rad. we awake and meet another friend of mr. o'beirne's to go on a bike ride to eat a "po-boy". for those of you who do not know a po-boy is a sandwhich of new orleans descent that contains lettuce, tomato, mayo, some sort of fried fish all on a fat loaf of fresh bread. it is to die for and i am sure that there are many people out there who have died as a result of eating this sandwhich, it is really unhealthy but me being the typical american i am do not care and will be fiending for these sandwiches in the very near future. During our voyage to the beloved po-boy shop, there was a palm sunday precession going on and i was really hyped to get a palm. after eating those delicious, artery-filling sandwiches we continued to ride to catch a native american parade. on the way there.......MY MOTHERFUCKING ADDIDAS GOT SCUFFFED!!!!!!! AND I WAS ALL LIKE "AHHHHH GETTHEFUCKOUTTAHEREWITDATBULLSHITSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"....actually not really but it was a bummer, i really like those shoes. when we got to the precession, i was confused because the native americans looked liek black people, and most of the crowd was black....so it seemed more like a zulu nation parade than a native american parade (not to be offensive or anything). i almost got hit by a car during this parade as well. after the parade we rode back home and swam in the pool. we all played with the jets and had a great time until some sonofabitch spit in the pool. we then got out and tanned out on the balcony. we were guido status during all of this. after tanning sean and i went to go buy a book that i needed. we ended up not finding a bookstore but i finallly got the deodorant that i had been wanting and needing soooo bad. also, on the way to the pharmacy sean and i were wrongly directed to a really bad neighborhood and we got really scared. i am pretty sure we came really close to getting a curb stomping. when we got back from the pharmacy we all went to a cafe to get coffee and bignetes (again). next door there were these b-boys giving a show and they did a flip over a whole row of these people. it was really rad to watch. i wish i was a b-boy in the late '70's/early 80's. after coffee, we went to dinner and i got rice and red beans. for some reason it did not make me gassy at all. at the end of dinner i got to put my mouth underneath this high powered air blower. it made me spit everywhere. it also made sooooo much spit fly out of my mouth. this day was a great day and contained some much needed relaxation. i just need to time travel to the late '70's...........

Spring Break 2010 (Part 2)

  • Day 2 was as eventful as the previous day. we start the day by going to a local diner to get some fod to eat. while eating there this waiter started referring to me by the name "spanish". for example, he would ask me, "what do ya need, spanish?". he is racist. after that we went to the airport to go get my bags and then i changed and shaved in the bathroom. after that we went to a friend of mr.o'beirne's house to a pig roast. max couldn't eat any pig. he didn't say anything but i think he was really tempted to eat the pig, it was sooooo good. while over there we got to watch a bunch of old people get drunk, play croquet (that game really really sucks), and batchi ball. Later, i chased max with a cowpie and some stupid lady made a snobby remark about it. i was really tempted to throw it at her. after that we burnt christmas trees and they made a huge flame. sean, max, and i all threw a tree in the flame and i ran the hell away from the crazy flame. then when we were all leaving some creepy old lady hit on sean. she was wayyy to drunk and can be quoted as saying, "ohhhh i like ya, you're cute" to sean. she also talked about how she loved having no kids. when we got back into new orleans we hit the streets on a boy's night out. we went to a jazz club again and really boogied down! it was "the bee's knees" as they would have said back in the day. after an intense groove sesh at the jazz club, we went back to the hotel. on the way i really wanted to get deoderant but nobody would let me. apparently they like the smell of rotten grapes (aka my B-O). when we got back everyone said they would go to the pool with me but they weren't allowed in because it had already been closed. somehow i got in and swam for about 30 minutes until max came and got me and we all finally went to bed. for a better idea of the stupid lady who made fun of me at the pic roast watch the video below:

Friday, March 26, 2010

Spring Break 2010 (Part 1)


(right now i am in New Orleans with my homies max o'beirne and sean hardison. our journey started at BWI airport, where i was profiled for my really stupid ID that makes me look like a convict. after having the security person double check my ID, i was then searched and told that i was not allowed to carry shaving cream onto a plane.....i guess i am sorry for that one......after this we wait at the terminal and board the plane. while waiting in line i dropped one of my bags because i was too tired of carrying it and in a careless flash i forgot to pick it back up and went on the plane without it. we boarded the plane and left for new orleans where i was able to compose a beat and max found out he got into UVA!!!! when we arrive at new orleans i realize that for some reason my bag is nowhere to be found. after an intense search, we find out that i had actually left my bad in baltimore and that the bomb squad had been called on my bag (which by the way has my name on it). this only further proved that i am as cenile as a 95 year old man. after that fiasco, we get to our rental car, drive to our hotel and then go to eat some awesome cajun food. i had a seafood basket that contained alligator and frog legs. contrary to what it may seem it was reallly good and i implore anyone who reads this to try it. after that we went to see a jazz band at this club that really got me bobbing my head and then we got bignetes (i think that is how it's spelt), and then we walked around bourbon street some more. Oh and yeah.......I GOT INTO VIRGINIA TECHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010